Day 57

It has been a long while since I last posted. I decided to change the title of my blog. It is no longer about dieting or food. I decided about 3 weeks into it that I was not going to be strict on gluten or wheat (still trying to cut wheat from my diet) but do my best to stay away from sugar. The first 3 weeks acted much like a fast for me. A spiritual fast. Cutting away something that was dear to me changed my life. I lost 10 pounds, whatever, no big deal. I gained a couple pounds back. Again, don't care. However, since then, my life and my relationship with God has completely changed. This is the most intense growth I have ever experienced.

After the intensity of the first 3 weeks, I slacked off a lot. I ate a lot of sugar and wheat and dairy and felt not so good. So I am attempting to jump back on that wagon, especially the sugar and dairy. I think the 2 pounds I gained back was due to the lattes I have fallen for. I have tried out different kinds to see which hurts me the least. White Chocolate Mochas are the worst for me! My tummy screams at me after I drink it. I've tried different variations and so far the best is a grande soy white mocha with 2 pumps white chocolate. 4 pumps is the regular. Waaaay too sweet! So no dairy on that one, and less sugar. But more expensive. Boo. I'll have to save those for special occasions like working at 4 am!

Back to the serious stuff. The first month was a definite change on the inside. Not much happened on the outside. I don't think I really acted differently or lost too many inches. But I felt good physically, I had more confidence and I became closer and closer to God. Then things started happening on the outside. Shortening the story, I am now a leader of a small group at my church. We decided as a group to give up something for Lent. More fasting. YES! This time I'm fasting TV. It's been a good run. More on that later. I have lost a size in my pants. I'm mentoring other people with confidence and courage. I am scouting for opportunities to LOVE furiously. I feel Jesus' love like a heaviness in my chest. It is always with me, continuing to sink in. When I feel like I can't contain anymore it just keeps going.

I went to a conference at my boss' church. A man named Todd White was the speaker. He is hippie in one word. He OWNS his skinny dreads, he rocks his very colored vertical striped shirt and he sports a tan and a soul patch. God spoke so powerfully through him and completely flipped my life around. It was like he lit a fire and welcomed people to sit in the blazing furnace. He talked about what the blood of Jesus really did. So many times christians see it as a one time thing that goes away. We try to dig up stuff that Jesus' blood already washed away. He died for my insecurities. He died for my anger. He died for my depression. He died for my hopelessness. He died for my feelings of worthlessness. So why do I keep dragging it back? "You do not have the strength OR the right to reach down through Jesus' blood and pull something out." Done, finished, dealt with, forgotten by God. Wow. This truth revolutionized my LIFE! No more am I gonna believe LIES! I will hold on to the truth of who Jesus is, and who He says I am.

I will end with a quote from a song that I have sung every single day.

I asked for matches

And I received a gallon full of gasoline

I'm burning, I'm burning

I know I'm gonna blister in these flames

I'll stand here

Til the smoke clears

I'll find You in the ashes that remain