I love learning outside the context of school. It becomes my pace, enveloped in my passion, with my parameters. Sometimes I am my own professor. Other times, my pastor may be or my father or God. Recently, God has been teaching me about marriage. My idealistic views and my cynical views have continued to decline. God has replaced it with what He really wants for my marriage. 2 things have emerged as important.
1) marriage will only happen for me when it brings more glory to God than if I stayed single.
2) I used to think that the good Christian thing to do was allow your spouse to have sole control. Which is why I have run away from any relationship that could possibly be serious. I never would admit that I has this belief but it showed in my actions (there's some cognitive psychology for you). Now I realize that it is a dual ownership, cosigners if you will. And I have to make the choice every day to allow my husband to have ownership alongside me of my dreams, secrets, body, etc. This is what we as humans struggle with in relationship with God. I still and always have control over myself but am I going to allow Jesus dual ownership? Am I going to follow Him, disregarding my independence and selfishness?
More to come I'm sure. I am a lifelong student. I am just glad I'm learning these things while still single rather than struggle in my heart with this stuff while still working out a marriage.
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