I prayed for change. Really, in my mind I prayed for life to go back to "normal," whatever that was before I got depressed. I just wanted joy. But what happened was more than I bargained for, in a good way of course. Depression left me. Good start. Then, it was like I was on a roller coaster, falling in love with my Creator all over again. Just when I thought it would stop, it didn't. It kept going. There was joy and excitement, but, like any roller coaster, if you ride it for too long it is so overwhelming. Then I felt myself under immense pressure. It was a very odd sensation. I was still exhilerated but under pressure.
"I don't understand what I'm feeling. What am I up against? Is this a good thing?" Questionning was the only thing I could do. I had trust but was confused.
"Read My word, get out of bed early, spend time with Me."
I had no idea these were my tools, delicately placed in my hands. I was on this roller coaster, falling in love, desiring time spent with my Love.
"A wall? Why is this wall here?....Oh hey, new friends? Wait, you're up against this wall too? Oh hey, old friends? You're here too?" I finally looked around and noticed the crowd of people at this wall. Some were confused like me, others were pounding away at this cement wall, seemingly indestructable, others were trying to get as far away from the wall as possible and others were behind me and I felt it was my duty to lead them to this wall and put some tools in their hands to help.
I noticed that a few people far off had gotten through the wall. They ran like they had been in prison. But they ran with a purpose. They had a plan. They had more tools than I did. I had an immediate desire to abandon what I was doing and run after the hole they had made. But I noticed the growing dent in front of me I had made. I knew I had to stay and work.
"Is this just for me? I don't feel like I personally need breakthrough. Is there something I'm missing?"
"You're doing this work for more than yourself. Some people will reap the benefit of your sweat and tears. This is what I have called you to do. Do it well."
"Lord, show me why. I want to see why I'm doing this."
I saw not only my portion of the wall fall away but the entire wall crumble, a wall that looked like the Coolee Dam, hundreds of feet high, crumbling as if it was sugar. Suddenly a rushing water flooded the dry and desperate land beneath it. The water kept coming, kept coming, kept coming. I was just a drop of water in this gushing waterfall, doing exactly what God had called me to do.
So here I stand, pounding away at this wall. Some days I'm weary. Some days I have a rush of energy. Some days I want to sit on my ass and pretend that there is no wall. Some days I want to run away from the wall and live an apathetic existense. Most days I get encouragement from my friends next to me along the wall. "Hey Nikki, look at this tool I found. You should use it too!" or "Hey Nikki, I have too much water, would you like a drink?" During the night, the light never fades. My lamp is always filled with oil, never running dry, illuminating the work to be done.
Know that I am doing well. Know that I need encouragement from time to time. Know that I am hard at work for "the family" (not the mob lol). Know that I am praying for you if I say I am. Know that you can ask me to pray for you and I will. Know that I am fighting.
Get ready. Whether you like it or not, in some way you are going to be effected by this flood. I know it with every part of me.
No comments:
Post a Comment