Day 17

I haven't talked about the kind of food I've been eating. That is how this blog started, so I'll update about that.

It has been fairly simple to think of meals. I thought this diet would be extremely difficult but staying away from wheat, sugar and dairy just forces me to eat more veggies, rice, soy milk, beans, etc. I have found enough good substitutes for crackers, milk, noodles and bread that I am satisfied. My mom and step dad are fabulous at putting a bunch of ingredients together and coming up with amazing meals so I steal a lot of their food.

I have cheated on this diet a lot this week, especially the weekend. My friend brought over cake balls. I couldn't pass those up! I went to a baby shower and had a ton of mini bagels with pumpkin cream cheese. I have snacked on the brownies left over from my little sister's surprise party. The good thing is that it has never gotten out of control. Before, I would start and not stop when I cheated. Now it's here and there, and I always resolve to hop back on the train. Plus, if this is a lifestyle, nothing changes even if I have an "oops" moment. It's not about the failure, it's about what you do after the failure.

Now on to the spiritual side of things. Like I have said before, this diet has cleared my mind and allowed me to hear God much easier. I have the energy to counsel like I know I am gifted to. I have been so depressed in the past that I needed counseling and was not a good listener. Now I can do what I know I am called to do. Also, I am in the middle of the grieving process for a friendship. I didn't think I needed to grieve but I guess I was in the denial stage! I have to let go of what was good about it and what I wanted it to be in the future. I have lived in the past and the future too much. The past is done, the future is unknown. I have to face what is now. The friendship is over. I have to get over it. The good thing is, it's not an actual death. God can revive it if it is in His plan to. I have to give it to Him, allow Him to work in me and trust that God will work in him.

I was thinking today about the excitement I still have when I hear God speak to me. I never want that to change. I love that His heart will always beat faster when I spend time with Him. I have loved God for almost 20 years and my feelings continue to grow. He continues to draw me closer day after day, moment by moment. He expands my capacity to love Him so when I think I can't love Him anymore, He stretches me a little more and I realize I have so far to go. I love it. I wouldn't trade this life for anything.